We have a long-running dispute with the *stupidly noisy* residents of the apartment below our bedrooms. They have no sense of day and night. We have asked them nicely to be quiet, we pound on our floor and we have had screaming matches with them about it at three a.m. on the stairs of the building. They don't get it. I mean if I tell them several times a month over the course of a couple of years that I don't want to hear every word they yell at each other about their dr*g habits and that cranking the stereo or TV at any time between 11 p.m. and 8 a.m. will illicit a response form us, you'd think they'd get it. Nope. They don't.

It's gotten so bad recently (less loud music, more arguments), that our kids don't want to play in their room because of the yelling and screaming coming from downstairs. For me, not being able to sleep is a torture and I consider their behavior the worst kind of violation of my personal space. Enough said. It's been nasty.

We got home from a lovely three-day stay at my in-laws last night and sent the kids to bed. Once we'd unpacked a bit we went to bed only to be woken up by HIm screaming at Her ... and back to sleep ... and more screaming woke me up ... and back to sleep ... and more screaming (clearly understandable dispute about Her drug habit being worse than His, according to Him) ... I called the cops.

Two officers came about 15 minutes later. We talked and they stood in our bedroom listening to the ranting from below for a couple of minutes. We discussed the situation a bit more and then they went downstairs.

What we heard: doorbell rings, argument continues. Doorbells rings again, several times, yelling intensifies. Doorbell rings, yelling, ranting from below. Door opens, huge amount of screaming and yelling on part of Him and cops - way too much yelling. I popped back out of our front door to sneak a peak.

In fit of what can only be called immaculate comedic timing, our neighbor opened the door of his apartment swinging a sword and screaming ... only to find he was attacking the police. He was on the floor with two pistols on him in a New York Minute. Oh how we laughed ... he was taken away in handcuffs in his underwear.

I can't say I'm looking forward to his homecoming, tune in for the next exciting installment of life in the big city ...